What a blessing...

Sometimes I find myself getting frustrated over nothing. I mean its really ridiculous. I stress myself out for things that don't need it. I get very emotional over the smallest things. I get upset, angry, hateful towards people; some that probably deserve it and some that don't.

I reflect a lot. I mean A WHOLE LOT. Its kind of like I act, say or do things without always thinking it through. Most of the time I'm content with the decisions I make and other times, I sit and wonder...hmm was that the right thing? I thought about it and I really question myself way too much. I feel like I apologize so much for the things I feel or have an opinion about. Why is it that I have to feel sorry for that? Sometimes I offend people, but those are not my intentions I just say what I think most of the time either through words, facial expressions or emotion.

There are so many things that I am thankful for though. The Lord has truly blessed me. He is so good to me. He has provided for me the people, the shelter, the opportunities and the materials I need to live a happy life. I know I am going somewhere HUGE. I am going to be the success I dream about everyday with His guidance. Sometimes I find myself just smiling because I really should not complain at all. I have no reason to be upset, angry, frustrated, etc. Not many people know what my plans are, but my ultimate goal is to be financially free and I mean, SOON. Like sooner than most people would think. Why? Of course I want to not have to ever worry about the stability of my family or anyone who needs my help. I want to spend everyday with the ones I love and not be constrained by work or other obligations. I want to go to church every Sunday because I actually have no time commitment to something else. I want to have no excuse not to pray some nights. I want to travel and not just for my own pleasure, but I want to see the world. I have been within these walls of this country for all my life...reading and hearing about the sadness of the world. I want to help. I know I am not a doctor or anything. And sure I can donate a bunch of money and hopefully it gets to some children dying in another part of the world...but I want to actually go and make a REAL difference. God has big plans for me, but not just so I can enjoy them fruitfully and selfishly. I have a real calling. This may sound dumb to you or whatever, but I have a real relationship with the Lord and I know its true. I want a one-to-one interaction with the needy, the helpless, the sick, the dying, the suffering...I want to touch peoples lives.

I want to serve God in the way that he has served me. What a blessing it is to be His child.

"God indeed is my savior; I am confident and unafraid. My strength and my courage is the Lord, and He has been my savior: (Isaiah 12:2 NAB)